That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
