Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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