I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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