i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I booty called her while she was in labor.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
