I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
