not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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