So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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