He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
