i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Randomize
