i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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