Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
