He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
i drank out of a bidet.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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