just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize