Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
My pussy is not your playground.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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