Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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