Can i not drive my cunt home
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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