Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
