At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
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