Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
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