I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
