dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
