Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
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