her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
