Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
