shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
