So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
