What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
