I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
