no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
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