sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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