dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Randomize
