woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
