wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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