her vagine was all disorganized.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
