I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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