god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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