just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
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