never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
