He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
