He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
