he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
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