I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize