I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Randomize
