i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
