I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
Randomize
