and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
