so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just saw a hot homeless man
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
