I think im going to throw up on grandma
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
third nipple confirmed
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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