i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
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