3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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