how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
