so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
