3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
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