He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
