god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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