yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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