Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
is wine microwaveable?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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