Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
