I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
