Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Randomize
