and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
